The following are the ten most common and destructive patterns of failure among non-Christian husbands (those who do not believe in God or consider the Bible as the highest standard for their lives) in today’s society. These failures do not necessarily involve religion, but they can still lead to a wife’s emotional detachment, trauma for the children, and the disintegration of the family. The list is not in any particular order.
- Complete financial irresponsibility: Not working, not saving money, spending excessively, defaulting on debts, gambling, and losing everything in cryptocurrency trading, while making his wife and children live in hardship. A modern-day “leech,” “mama’s boy,” and “spendthrift with negative assets.”
- Infidelity and sexual disloyalty (including emotional infidelity): Physical infidelity, frequenting prostitutes, keeping mistresses, online dating and casual sex, and being addicted to giving gifts to female streamers. Always having “chat records that need to be deleted” on his phone.
- Domestic violence (physical + verbal + economic control): Physically assaulting his wife, smashing things, intimidation, restricting his wife’s freedom of movement, freezing joint assets, and taking the children to threaten divorce. In the most extreme cases, even “wife-killing” occurs.
- Sexual selfishness and sexual violence: Only caring about his own pleasure, disregarding his wife’s feelings; forcing sexual intercourse; refusing to use condoms but unwilling to take responsibility for the consequences; applying what he sees in pornography directly to his wife.
- Complete lack of involvement in childcare (single-parenting by default): “The child is yours, you take care of them,” “I’m already very tired from work.” The wife handles everything alone: midnight fevers, homework tutoring, and taking children to and from extracurricular activities. He only acts as a “weekend dad,” taking pictures to post on social media.
- Mama’s boy + preference for sons: Always obeying his mother; always siding with his mother in conflicts between his wife and mother; becoming cold towards his wife after having a daughter, forcing her to have a second/third child, and only stopping when he has a son.
- Alcoholism, drug abuse, and addiction to late-night gaming: Getting drunk every day and taking out his anger on his wife; or being addicted to games like Honor of Kings or Genshin Impact, staying up until four or five in the morning, unable to get up for work the next day, leading to a completely disordered life.
- PUA and psychological manipulation: Constantly belittling his wife, “You can’t live without me,” “Who would want you, you’re so fat/stupid,” “If you leave me, you and the children will starve.” Making his wife doubt herself and lose confidence.
- Not divorcing but dragging things out (toxic zombie marriage): Neither providing evidence of infidelity nor divorcing, but using cold violence, sexual indifference, and withholding financial support, leaving his wife in a state of limbo. Many women suffer from severe depression or even commit suicide as a result.
- Extreme control or extreme permissiveness towards children: either resorting to corporal punishment and believing that “sparing the rod spoils the child,” or completely neglecting children, allowing them to become addicted to short videos, engage in early romantic relationships, drop out of school, or commit crimes. As adults, these children either become extremely rebellious or develop psychological problems.
Let me add a harsh reality: These ten failures of non-Christian husbands almost perfectly match the faults of over 90% of the male parties in divorce cases in China today. Many women aren’t simply “unwilling to compromise,” but are truly driven to desperation: either divorce, go insane themselves, or see their children’s lives ruined along with their own.
Christian husbands, at least, have the constraints of the Bible and the Holy Spirit, and the hope of repentance; non-Christian husbands, once they fall into any of the above pitfalls, often only sink deeper and deeper until they completely destroy the entire family.
May every man who reads this be warned: You don’t need to believe in Jesus to be a responsible man, but if you’re unwilling to even fulfill your most basic responsibilities, then you’re not even worthy of being called a “human being.”
