Based on the Bible’s teachings on the role of a wife (primarily found in Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:3-5, and 1 Peter 3:1-6), and considering the current social context of 2025, I have compiled twelve common failures that contemporary wives are most prone to. These are not personal attacks, but rather a comparison of biblical principles with common deviations in modern life, using real-life examples to help you “look in the mirror.”
- Refusing to submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24) Modern version: Completely denying the husband final decision-making power in household matters, finances, children’s education, and sex life, misinterpreting “equality” as “I’m in charge.” Example: The husband wants the children to attend a church school, but the wife directly says in a WeChat group, “I disagree, I’ve already enrolled them in an international school,” humiliating her husband in front of family and friends.
- Publicly shaming and belittling her husband (Ephesians 5:33 “respect her husband”) Modern version: Complaining about her husband on Douyin, Xiaohongshu, and WeChat Moments, calling him “a typical man,” “useless,” and mentioning his low salary. Example: Posting a status update saying, “Some people can’t even order takeout, and they still have the nerve to be the head of the household,” with a picture of her husband’s back, receiving hundreds of likes.
- Putting children above her husband (Genesis 2:24 “leave his parents and be united to his wife”) Modern version: After having children, the husband becomes completely invisible and merely an “ATM machine.” Example: The husband wants to hug his wife after work, but is pushed away with, “Don’t bother, the child is finally asleep,” and sleeps on the sofa for a month while his wife sleeps with the child.
- Failing to manage the household well (Titus 2:5 “manage their households”) Modern version: The house is always a mess, they eat takeout constantly, clothes are piled up everywhere, yet she spends her days watching dramas, following celebrities, and hoarding cosmetics. Example: The mother-in-law visits and finds only milk tea and instant noodles in the refrigerator, immediately getting angry.
- Sexual indifference or refusal (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) Modern version: Using “I’m too tired,” “I’m not in the mood,” and “the child is nearby” as universal excuses, leaving her husband sexually frustrated for extended periods. Example: The husband asks three times in a month and is refused three times; the fourth time he’s told, “Why do you only think about that?”
- Controlling and constantly nagging (Proverbs 21:9 “better to live on a corner of the roof”) Modern version: From morning till night, “Why don’t you…”, “If you had listened to me earlier…”, “Look at other husbands.” Example: The husband wants to play games for two hours on the weekend, but his wife nags him from 10 am to 12 pm, and he finally storms out.
- Financial irresponsibility and excessive spending (Proverbs 31:16-18: A virtuous wife brings her husband good, not harm) Modern version: Secretly opening 20 credit cards, buying bags worth tens of thousands of dollars, while making her husband pay the mortgage and support the family. Example: The husband discovers she spent 80,000 yuan on Singles’ Day, and he explodes with anger.
- Disrespecting the husband’s authority, arguing even over trivial matters. Modern version: If the husband says go east, she insists on going west, always wanting to “win.” Example: The husband says, “Let’s have hotpot tonight,” and she immediately replies, “No, hotpot causes acne, you don’t understand.”
- Not giving the husband face in front of others (1 Peter 3:1-2: “Be submissive to your own husbands”) Modern version: Publicly correcting, contradicting, and mocking her husband in front of relatives, friends, and colleagues. Example: At a gathering, the husband tells a joke, and she immediately rolls her eyes, “You’ve been telling that joke for ten years.”
- Punishing the husband with silent treatment and cold wars. Modern version: If there’s a disagreement, she won’t speak for three days, blocks him on WeChat, and makes him beg for reconciliation. Example: The husband forgets their wedding anniversary, and she immediately leaves home and stays in a hotel, posting on social media, “Some people can’t even remember important dates.”
- Putting the husband and her own family on opposing sides (Genesis 2:24: “Leave his father and mother”) Modern version: Constantly saying, “My mom said,” “My dad said,” and running to her parents to complain whenever the husband has an opinion. Example: The husband is a little strict with the children, and she immediately calls her mother to cry, and then the whole family comes to “mediate.”
- Losing a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4) Modern version: Always speaking loudly, sharply, and sarcastically, with emotions always like a ticking time bomb. Example: The husband comes home 10 minutes late, and she yells in the hallway, “Do you have another woman?!”
These failures are played out almost daily in Chinese urban families in 2025. Many wives think, “I’ve given so much, why should I still submit?” But the biblical standard isn’t “whoever contributes more is right,” but rather the different roles God has given to husbands and wives: the husband is the head, and the wife is the helper and submissive partner.
A wife who truly fears God doesn’t become a “pushover,” but rather chooses to submit in love, is gentle in wisdom, and influences her husband through her life to turn to God. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says that even if the husband is not a believer, he should be “won over by the conduct of his wife”—this is true power.
